(my wish list from a long time ago)
WISHES:
plus I witnessed two miracles
So you sit in your chair, thinking about what went wrong in your life. You're parents were yelling and wanted a divorce that never happened, but the yelling and all that crap were still there. your best friend's left you behind one by one, some steeping on yore footsteps some left with their souls, examples of life that are around you are bad, you didn't finished high school, you didn't got a job, you replaced all that with ur vices, you want to do something but you don't know what, you want to speak but there's no ears, you want to go but there's limits and you wanted time.. well, the only thing that you wished and you got it is time. Now you hate time..to much time for yourself. but isn't that what you wanted? Beside friends,birthdays,trips,laughs,pictures,trust,love, that you don't have, you wanted time. So please please concentrate on this part. not humans. not things. you are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships! There's more to it...
That's why they say "be careful what you wish for", because when you finally get it, you wouldn't want it anymore.
What makes us who we are?besides the choices that we make right now. what things from the past made us who we are now? what if you were caught in the middle of choices back then and made the bad one?
You wanted, all ur life to show ur friends how much you care and what type of person are you..you know..getting to know you in the real way and after so many years or they forgot or they didn't know all this time? scr*w that if they don't want to see...they can't see anyway,no matter how hard you'll try, they will forget by involuntary choice. You don't have to forget who you are and who is the person sitting next to you and most important what he/she did to earn the place next to you, and remember that those who do forget this important silly things have a lot more to learn and experience. Is not their fault and is not yours either..
How can it be to have answers for everyone,but when it comes to yourself you have nothing?
I know you're strong, i know you have a way to see things that many of us can't,i know you know a lot,you came so far with your mind and with yourself you know in what way.. but how come you still break down in this situations? how come this things still get to you, if everything else can't? You have to change course, open up to what you don't anymore, and close it for some of the things that touches you so deeply now.
As long as you try harder, you will exist.
Good luck.
"When you think you have it all, you find yourself all alone"
The room is so silent, but my mind is so loud. It drives me crazy because the things I would never think about, I think about. Sometimes, I hate it because it brings up things I’d rather never think about again. The split second before sleep is the most active second of my life.
“Life is unfair. You put someone first who puts you second. You study your ass off for an exam only to get a B when you deserved an A. You give 110% to someone in a relationship when they only give 40%. You’re there for your best friend at 3am when they need it the most and the next day they don’t pick up their phone. You give something your all and sometimes get little to nothing back. You care so much about someone who doesn’t care enough about you to say hi once in a while. You give someone your time and they give you ‘Sorry I’m busy.’ It seems like you’re giving everyone everything and they’re just walking away with it.”
A broken heart is all i needed for having everything now. People let you down, so you'll cry over it, or learn from it? I don't have the past to think about anymore or the future. All i have is now. I don't remember anything from my past,i don't remember bad memories or fake memories. Life happens now, so i shall concentrate to make the best from it. I have everything in me. I have everything that surrounds me.So you lost a friend...you lost a boyfriend, you lost some perents on the way, maybe a home that wasn't a home at all, for what? For you to sit back in a corner and watch what's happening? Or make it happen? :)
We all gather memories on the road, it only depends on us what we do with them. Everything happens with a reason, you just have to figure it out,see the bigger picture. On the road we have stops, forgetting who we are and where we belong,then we have to remember what do you loved and enjoyed the most and do it again, even if is silly because at that point you might realise one of 2 things: that what you have and who you became it's so much better than who you were and what you had back then..or realise that what was then was making you happy and you need a change or something back.
Some of us are growing up, some of us are just growing old. Youre the only one who should know who you are, and what you need, don't let yourself fooled that it's somebodyelse's call...youre heart knows better. So it's gonna be a very long road, it's ok to be lost, just remember all the time what you really need and who you are not beeing afraid to show it or hide it behind someone that your not. Gather memories,mistakes,friends..because at the end of the road it's gonna make a fine story, so it will be such a shame not remembering. Some will learn from it, some will have a good laugh, even you.
